shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
