I want to stick my p in your. b.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize