The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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