the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
