i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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