There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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