I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
