Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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