You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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