My first STD was from a foam party
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
