Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
