Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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