i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The struggles of a small town man whore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
