apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
