haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
