just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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