i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
