have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize