oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
