Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
