just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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