I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
