just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
