I want to have your abortion
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
