I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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