my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
