Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
