I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
