I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
