so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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