I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
