All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
