Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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