You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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