I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
