She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
