remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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