Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
