Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
