Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
