So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
