All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
