sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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