so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize