Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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