I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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