If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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