my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk is not a location!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize