are you so shy because you have an std?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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