It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
