I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
