The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
