You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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