i don't like sucking hair
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
