beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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