Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
