Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
