I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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