it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
