so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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