Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
