whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
