you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
