But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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