We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
