hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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