I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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