We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
