he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
