every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
