Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
