Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
