Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
