Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
